pre-sleep update ...

My life has been so consumed with regular paid work that I haven't had time to update this. It's no excuse, but I haven't even had anything uninteresting to say, let alone remotely interesting.

Home improvement continues at a steady and frantic pace, and the Craigslist obsession for cheap/free stuff to furnish and complete my apartment continues.

That is all ... I hope to get more creative tomorrow.

The Island of Almost Boyfriends

Just for fun the lyrics to one of my favorite one of my songs ever. Someone that heard it a while back said that it really resonated and was very illustrative of the experience of dating in Manhattan (which is, of course an island). Funny, because I totally never meant it to be about the urban experience and was much more caught up in the metaphor of failing multiple times (aka, over and over and over and over again) in love as being in a lovely tropical paradise that eventually implodes on itself. But, I guess that second metaphorical layer works pretty accurately too:

The Island of Almost Boyfriends

V1

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

You never have to wonder

How it all will end.

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

You never have to guess

That you almost have it made.

Have a drink in the shade

You almost have it made.

V2

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

You know right away

It’s going to end in heartache.

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

They always tell you up front

It’s never going to last.

Soak up love so fast

It’s never going to last.

CHORUS

“I was only looking for right away

I didn’t know forever would come so soon …”

It always ends in tragedy

Don’t be fooled

By the sun, the surf, the sand between your toes

The sky is oh so blue.

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

They are never expecting you.

V3

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

Don’t count any chickens

Because they just won’t hatch.

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

You think the roads lead to anywhere but

Right back from where you came.

Enjoy the walk, hand-in-hand

Right back from where you came.

CHORUS

“I was only looking for right away

I didn’t know forever would come so soon …”

The road will end in tragedy

Don’t be a fool

When the sun, the surf, the sand gets between your toes

Or the sky so blue

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

They are never expecting you.

BRIDGE

Go easy on your broken heart

It will break more in the end

If you let the sun, the surf, the sand,

The drinks go to your head

Enjoy the view across the bed, the stars

Every time that could be your last,

Will feel like your first.

Go easy on your broken heart

Or the boyfriends will get you in the end.

V4

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

You never have to wonder

How it all will end.

On the Island of Almost Boyfriends

You never have to guess

That you almost have it made.

Have a drink in the shade

You almost have it made.

CHORUS

“I was only looking for right away

I didn’t know forever would come so soon …”

The road that ends in tragedy

Will fool you

When the sun, the surf, the sand gets between your toes

And the sky so blue

Calls you on the Island of Almost Boyfriends

They are never expecting you.

Have a drink in the shade

You almost had it made.

my floorboards, my heartache

My big news is that a little big of investigating on Saturday led to finally ripping up the damaged area of my floor (the sound of each plank coming up to expose mildew, leftover water damage and cat pee was what I imagined my heart would sound like breaking over and over again) ... which led to more clutter and a "first fight" (or more like "freeze out") on Sunday. Surprisingly, everyone survived all of it, and my apartment is almost back into place (in reverse-world form, since we put everything on the other side). Sometimes you have to go into a corner and cry out of frustration, or put your headphones on and ignore someone for a few hours ... and then talk about what happened, laugh, eat pizza and just move forward.

Without going into detail (because, once again, no journals with kitties on the cover here), love, romance and home improvements are complicated. Witch's brew!

In honor of all that, some Donovan.

A New Era of Inspirational Productivity

Today marks a new time of being more productive. I have a huge list of "to do" items in every area, and the work is flowing ... so I need to jump on every possible opportunity, and that is what I will do.

Here are things I am fortunate to have right now career wise:

1. An extremely varied docket of projects, most of them paid (or with the chance to be very much paid!) that allow me to flex almost all of my different writing muscles.

2. People that are excited about the work I'm doing.

3. Great professional relationships that I need to strengthen and cultivate (and I have worked hard for them).

4. Real inspiration (this is the most important).

5. A desperate need to make money and support myself ... and prove I can do anything.

6. An oyster-like world where possibilities are endless.

I've never embraced the fact that, since losing my major client over a year ago, I really am starting from scratch, and thus have every opportunity to reinvent myself available to me. There's nothing to lose, so I need to seize the completely open future and just go, go, go ...

So, here I go. For real this time.

Unfortunate Craigslist ad of the day

Because Craigslist ads are not perma-links, I will simply re-post the ad I saw in the "cars and trucks for sale" section:

Headline:

Manual trany lessons .....stick shift training - $1 (Astoria)

Body:

Call Ferrari Driving School
Stick shift lessons every day for cheap for beginners and advance drivers.
Going for vacation and you can't get automatic cars ....
Want to buy real sport car .... m3 m6 370z between others...
Need to learn for a job position..
Wants to start CDL career .....
Call now profesional instructors waiting for you!


I have several questions (of course, only if we're really taking this all the way and reading this as not really car related):

1. What is the difference between a "manual" tranny and your everyday variety? Is that like pre-op vs. post-op?

2. What is the difference between advanced and beginner in terms of "operators" (I guess the question is, "What sets the men apart from the boys")?

3. Is "profesional" with just one "s" slightly less professional than regular "professional," but still above amateur?

I also have a statement: I wholeheartedly agree that when you're on vacation, and your inhibitions are slightly decreased, you may be more likely to experiment with a "manual trany" than in other scenarios.

band on the run ...

Here's my quick update:

I'm finding myself suddenly in potentially four bands, almost all of which have shows coming up before October 30th.

Oh boy ... stay tuned ...

stress level midnight

I've been doing a lot of home repairs, thanks to the help of a lovely person, who likely doesn't know how much it means to me that he is helping me create a home that reflects me and fulfills both my work and personal needs (and is turning out absolutely delicious so far).

That being said, I realize as I sit here still awake for the umpteenth or so night in a row well after 2 a.m., my stomach churning out butterflies as a result of change and unpredictable future, present, past and everything imaginable, I realize I have an extreme need to manage the stress in my life. A friend of mine recently joined a Buddhist center and also started doing a month of yoga in order to better balance herself. Neither of these things are really for me, but I realize I am in need of some spiritual refuge to better manage all the beautiful chaos. I am one giant nerve ending right now, and the need to add some order to my emotions is going to be necessary. Of course, I also need to embrace the risky hyperbolic feeling that I rarely let overcome me, because some wonderful things feel like they are happening right now that are going to transform me and those close to me (as a result) for the best.

Georgie Porgie

This rhyme came up today, and it's been resonating:

"Georgie Porgie, Puddin' and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry,
When the boys came out to play
Georgie Porgie ran away."

It goes oddly quite well with the lines of one of my favorite Magnetic Fields/Stephin Merritt songs:

"You are a splendid butterfly
It is your wings that make you beautiful
And I could make you fly away
But I could never make you stay."

And, that is my bit of cryptic romance for now ...

All or nothing

I notice with writing that the more I write, the more I write. Deep, right? In translation: writing more breeds more writing, and also more high-quality writing. The more writing I do, the more writing I do. Logical, right? But, I have been operating like an untrained "only when inspired" idiot lately, avoiding the difficulty of struggling over phrases to achieve greater writing heights. That ridiculous and childish process needs to stop. I need to keep practicing putting my thoughts into words, more than just in e-mails to beloveds and friends.

I have a friend that posts little blog entries all day with random thoughts, and I am thinking that this might be a good plan for me. While normally I feel like the most irritating person on earth when I over-update my status message (and thus have stopped doing that), I think a blog is different, because people are presented with a choice ultimately in reading it or not reading it. Likely it's not showing up in anyone's live feed or being e-mailed to them the moment new content appears. Plus, no one is reading this at the moment (save maybe a few), so likely I could attract more people with more digestible posts.

So much for being "less formal." I think I would be better able to be unstructured (was that a double negative positive?) if I was really just writing thoughts off the cuff. Of course, my blogging friend seems to have deeper and more provoking thoughts than what comes tumbling out of my head, so maybe this experiment won't work as well.

Here's to trying to start something new (yet again) ...

Painting and Quiet

Nothing says "I love you" like painting your apartment. Actually, a lot of things say it better than that, but I'm still excited about what it will look like when it's finished. I have chosen a rich grey that kind of looks like a malted milkshake when in the can and goes on the wall deliciously like wet cement. I want to drink or lick it (but I won't).

I intend to do a full photo spread that chronicles "before" and "after," but today is not that day. B. was much more integral to the painting process, but I still feel tired (and maybe a little bit guilty about it). I have a right to be tired, since I have been running around town acquiring my own half of the supplies and gutting my apartment as best I could while still putting in relatively full work days. It was mentioned by a paint-covered birdie that the stuff encountered behind my entertainment center (dust and cobwebs and general filth; in my defense, it is a behemoth and has not been moved in six years) as well as what was on top of my dart board when it came off the wall was like what you might only see as part of special effects of a horror movie. Now we've seen it in real life, so I know perhaps some things are inspired by reality after all.

In other news, things are as ever up in the air, but I think I'm still happy. I am taking the days as they hit and trying to suck them dry. Laughing has been prevalent.

I have a lot of wishes for this week, and I am doing my best to make what I can come true. The rest is out of my hands.

Keeping up with it

I could tell you about my weekend so far, but then I'd have to kill you. That is only partially stated in jest.

I just really wanted to make sure I wrote something today, even if it is a few veiled sentences about nothing.

The big news for me is that I'm painting my apartment (with some "expert" help). I'm pretty excited, since I haven't done any painting of any sort since moving in over eight years ago.

earworms and innuendo

Warning: The title of this post will be the most well-written part.

I have decided in the past year, much to my musical chagrin, that I think Katy Perry is hysterical.

I think this video pretty much explains why.

creative block and flow

I've been having a surge of creativity in real life, but a barren wasteland for my writing lately. I guess that's not entirely true, as I've been getting minimal tasks done and also able to write some things creatively (my essay book, for example), but it's been coming pretty drib-drabbily.

This may be the shortest piece of writing I've bothered to commit to a page in a long time (and also way too "meta" in that it's boringly about the writing process). Still, I'm determined to get something real done today. My list:

1. Write at least something related to my book of essays (even if it's just an outline);
2. Play an instrument and work out some musical things;
3. Look for a new drummer/percussionist (does anyone know anyone?) for Mister Badger.
4. Finish some small business writing. That has been the worst-ly motivated.

I need to get organized and get on the figurative working stick. It's time.