A Less Formal Life
Showing posts with label the writing craft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the writing craft. Show all posts

Sunday, November 23, 2014

"A Novel Snippet" Part One Thousand (and Hopefully Counting)

Tonight I finally found a home for this bit of writing in one of my novels, which seems to have ushered me through a long and excruciating writer's block in the novel department (years and years). I wrote this snippet initially quite a while ago as a short short story ... but when I rewrote and rearranged it tonight on a whim, it suddenly just fit right into what I was working on like a destined, missing piece.

It might be somewhat out of context in the absence of the rest of the world, but I find the words pretty savory:

___________________________________________________

The night Scott and I initially met in Chicago, blind but vocally and wordily knowledgeable, was magical dust thrown into the fan, scattered. I had an inner-narrative flash of the night scarred on my brain the moment it began, continued, ended, presently tense, tensely present, our voices melted into one force:

“Everything is electric, on. His face is a Gerber daisy with a scare of black gravity hair that rocks with molten power above the apartment’s slicked-back hardwood floors,” I said.

            “An electrified knock, and I turn the light on. She is behind my cracked door, an exotic flower in red, a pleasure-meeting, melting first-time. I might have already been waiting for her on a travel-crowded street, passing her El platform in a whirly whizz of colors, her face shooting refracted rainbows through each flourescent-lit window,” he admitted.
           
            “We have chamomile tea in a dungeony cafĂ©, laugh-lifting lead-laid cups that camouflage our faces each time they rise, tone biceps with ludicrous weight. I keep disappearing, becoming a white round with tight-pressed moony fingernails,” I remarked.

            “I simply wait, wait for her ghostly eyes to glitter above the lipstick rim. There is a good-luck ladybug on the sill with a strange leg growth. She saw another one today that bustled into her car only to fly back out the window into the new crinkly-green autumn,” he pressed.

            “Two ladybugs dance, almost perfect save a broken brown wing. I watch his lanky fingertip tracing up-down, letting her leggy red alight. The insect rattles down the window and re-begins her persistent ascent -- Our Good Luck,” I sighed.

He noted, “We are walking hungry to a party. I want to touch her tornado static. Words that have been lingering on a black-cursored page are among us, whistle through winded ears, cyclone in hearts stimulated by shocking same-thought paddles.” 

            “We are leant up against a Kahluha-cream stove, turned-on. Emphatic fingers fondle burners, trace map paths through white and black letter jungles of mediocre magnetic poetry. His jeans are stuck like electric-dryer-sock thigh muscles clenching my hip. We are one energized unit with multiplied parts,” I exploded.

            “I am parking my car. She is using my bathroom. She will touch my things, my toilet paper, my faucet,” he insisted.

I shouted, “I may not be alone anymore, selfish or crazed or desperate. I might not rush each moment without tickling, tripping, adoring.” 

            “She is next to a photograph. I like the look of her life next to mine, how her hair curls around one ear, streaky with amazing sunlit citrus. She doesn’t know I notice her through closed doors, but I can see her x-ray straight through, me looking at her looking at me, keeping the calculated completeness,” he contemplated.

            “I might be incited, playing kitchen equipment games, glasses of calcium-enriched orange juice. His finger creeps and seeps supernatural, tangles my bracelet, dangles my kneecap. Hands clasped pray for a safe journey into the dark bed that overlooks an alley decorated by a flat-tired, hatch-back Honda Civic,” I breathed.

            “We are in the wilderness dark.  I may flick on the light. Instead I grab her, pull her turtleneck and touch her lips, suck upper and lower free while I tear her limb from limb, contorting her so we might climb inside melted bones,” he pressed.

That night, he was kissing me eruptive; our singed skeletons played Memory, flipped over card after card after card, all cherries. 

Monday, October 29, 2012

aunt sandy is coming for a visit ...

I'll admit it:  I love hurricane names. I especially love when the worst ones are given pleasant names. "Irene" at least sounds like the bitchy old lady next door who tries to poison your dog when it won't stop barking. But "Sandy" sounds like a friendly aunt who comes to visit a few times per year and always gifts you the toys your parents can't afford for Christmas.

I plan to get a lot of work done today. I didn't think I would, but I got the itch to type when I opened up my computer. Let's hope the hurricane produces a maelstrom of ideas -- especially the ones I need to finish my website (which is launching, let's hope, on Friday this week ... after SIX LONG YEARS)! At this point, like any hurricane worth its salt, this very unread blog might die ... or at least change direction.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

the continuation of inspiration

Today, my drive to do things continues. I have been trying to continue the precious feeling of non-rushed calm that I tried to cultivate while I was in Chicago for almost a month from mid-September - mid-October. I actually find I get less done when I worry about some of the meaningless details about career advancement and general accomplishment -- like how many pages or notes of creative content I should be writing in a day, when the last minute I can finish a transcription is before I'm deemed lazy, when I need to start writing a bio for someone. I sit and spin my wheels for days, feeling guilty about watching TV or anything I do that is not directly contributing to my output.

No more.

Why don't I just wake up and write something ... anything? The worst that can happen is something semi brilliant.

In other news, I want, I want, I want ...

Also, I need to finish my bio and other website content.

And finally, my sister turns 40 today, and I feel this has to be impossible. 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

I suffer therefore I write ... therefore, am I?

This cliche question brought to you by my realization (and I know all writers realize this at some point) that sometimes the only time I can create poignant/heartbreaking/affecting writing is when I am miserable. Actually, it's not really when I am miserable that I can create, rather when my heart, mind and soul (and bank account) are in limbo. This state of being is pretty much the definition of existential misery.

I hate waiting. And I have been doing it my whole life ... or at least for the past 11-12 years.

If I am basically satisfied with my life, will I stop noticing interesting things in the world and stop being capable of stringing words together that mean anything?

When I feel less of myself, I seek to find more of it in language. When I feel more myself, I feel no need to reaffirm my connection to the planet through words.

It's stupid, simple and complicated, all at the same time.

I am currently pushing to get my website up so I can feel that I have accomplished something rather than am just keeping myself alive. I also need to get back on the "approaching agents" horse. I went through a bit of a freshly-rejected period (after getting some rejections, none of which implicated I was anything but a fantastic writer) where I didn't want to do anything with that part of my life.

Then again, emptiness is hard to fill with more emptiness.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

before a full week passes ...

I want to commit something to the page.

I've been losing motivation lately in all areas of life, save the area in which I discuss sit-coms from the '80s and actors who appeared in Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes.And of course, this soul paralysis always occurs when I need to get by act together the most and make some money.

I'm pretty tired of writing about the struggles of writing and inspiration. And you'd think this frustration would be enough to motivate me to do everything in my power to change what is lacking.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

the effects of too much crime docu-drama

Is that even a category name? In my limited spare time lately, I've been watching way too many TV crime documentaries, which inevitably leads me to dream of a life as a true crime novelist or biographer.

But I think that's too much serious business, and I should get back to writing about the stranger-than-fiction hilarity of my own daily experience. (And yes, I am also wondering when that is going to happen exactly, as I've not exactly been too good on the creative writing front lately.)

I guess this is one more support for the fact that violence/depravity/etc. in movies, TV and video games does not create criminals, if the proper upbringing (is that what I would call it?) is there. As desensitized as I have become to horror/sci-fi/fake movie violence (I can eat meat with wild abandon during the most flesh-noshing part of a zombie film), I was happy to find my stomach still turned a bit when faced with descriptions of real, grisly crime scenes.

And, now, my next topic of discussion will be how unfortunate it is when you really want to make mean but hilarious comments about someone on Facebook, then realize you have to censor yourself because that person is your Facebook friend. What a shame ...

Monday, January 23, 2012

a transcriptionist's gripe

Something I learned about how people handle it when you ask them for revisions of a transcription you did of their interview and they are not used to hearing themselves talk (and are slightly embarrassed by the awkward way they think they've come across): They are prone to exaggeration of your "inaccuracies." When they send back revisions that say, "I went in and had to fix a slew of errors the transcriptionist made," they mean, "I had to go in in one spot and re-type in the name of that band no one has ever heard of that I completely mumbled that was last performing 30 years ago and thus has no online presence." I'm such a failure!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Earnest Plans

Plans have begun in earnest to get this noveling show fully on the road by February 1st. I've set some real deadlines for myself in terms of shopping my novel around in 2012, and this is going to happen. I'm sure it will just make me pissed off at how easy it all is. I have to stop lamenting over the fact that my publishing deal fell through last year before it even really got going (though yes, it certainly was frustrating that I had the contract in hand), and just start going again.

So, my first deadline is Monday, January 23rd: a new query letter. I'm going to do it right this time.

I'm not allergic to work.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

creative what-ing?

That describes my day. I couldn't find creativity if it was sitting on my face. I was really hoping to take advantage of a quick work slow down (which is sure to end in the next couple days) and do more than no writing work. At least I managed to change a few words in one of my creative essays yesterday.

Mister Badger goes into the studio again tomorrow. I'm hoping it will be more productive (and sound better vocally) than last time. My voice was not in good shape, and I didn't even realize it.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

writing for fun

For the past few years, I've had near paralysis when it comes to just writing without concern for the finished product. I used to write just to see where characters or an idea might travel if I just started going and didn't stop until I had created something -- even if that something wasn't polished, great or didn't work out at all. That was really the original purpose behind this, because that's always how I wrote as a kid. And damn, I was prolific.

I think I need to step away from my structured projects and just write a story, without concern about whether or not it is expressing the many things I know I need to express about life, love and the things that are important to me before I die. We'll see if I can stick to that without putting restrictions on the process in the middle of it.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Monday morning writings, rantings and ant-resolutions

I think my tendency to beat myself up about how I don't keep this up regularly (and my tendency to continuously come back claiming I am going to be "better" about it "this time) is not unlike a New Year's resolution, which I REALLY don't believe in. So, I'm going to stop setting standards for myself. I'm just going to continue to do what I'm doing in hopes I will continue to be motivated at the right times to make enough money to survive (which I have BARELY been doing, but I'm not homeless yet, so ... success!) and try to be happier. I definitely don't want to follow the lead of friends I've seeing ruining my Facebook feed with lying-to-themselves-statements of how rice pasta and gluten-free muffins are better than either of their real counterparts (and how people who eat fruit or drink juice should just kill themselves for being evil and wrong). So, I won't (once again). I also still won't be saying, "You go, girl," or, as I'm seeing it has changed spelling now, "U go gyrllll" ... And that doesn't mean I'm a negative, pessimistic person or that I want other people to fail. And, I know there is at least one person out there who claims that I am sending secret messages about how much I hate myself and want to die by having a dark sense of humor about life. Get over it.

That being said, today I do plan to work on some creative writing, as I'm at the "in between" point where I have to wait for the groundwork I've done to get new clients (at least for the next few days) to turn into something real, and I shouldn't be watching so much Netflix while I wait. The book of essays is calling my name, as are my three other novels. But, I think I'll approach this reasonably and not set any harsh goal for how many words I should complete before midnight (and it's hard to do that, because I always do it inside my head even when I claim "out loud" that I won't). I have enough pressure to deal with.

I read this anti-resolution article this morning by Charlie Brooker of The Guardian, and while most of the article was not about the ridiculousness of resolutions (rather observations about the ridiculousness of humankind and pop culture in general), it reinforced all my belief about the New Year and reminded me of why I'm annoyed that my running routes are always clogged from January-March (which is the month the last people clinging to their resolve finally give up each year).

The supposed "magic" of the calendar flipping over isn't going to make anyone suddenly become radically different. Change happens a little at a time, and people need to stop living life like it's an endless series of painful boot camps.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

organized?

I think it's that time again (it happens about every three months) where I claim I'm going to get better about writing something creative (or at least "craft"y) daily, do it for a few days, then give up again.

(Yes, that's really all I have to say, but, as I've said before, at least it's something.)

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Again, I'm writing a novel

I'm finally forcing myself into enough of a self-disciplinary mode to actually work on a novel. It's one of my more emotionally difficult ones (they just seem to get more difficult as time and experience collects), so, wish my luck (just as I am wishing myself luck).

I am also trying to keep this in mind today:

"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." -- Louisa May Alcott

Fear, be gone ...

Friday, October 21, 2011

I am crap at updating

I realize the subject line is a frequent revelation that is also frequently followed by the revelation that I must write creatively more, or I'm going to lose all muscle tone. My exposure to bad internet writing and other nonsense is too great, and I fear that my own skills are in danger of declining.

Plus, I'm feeling rather competitive lately ... in a good way.

My next point of focus is going to be updating my own website, which means I have to actually sit down and revise my resume, figure out a bio for myself, etc. Stay tuned ...

I feel like writing a bad movie review today. But I'm not sure I can endure the bad movie. I watched Fast Five the other day, and, while the end sequence depicting two small sportscars pulling a giant bank vault through the streets that ended up ruining half of Rio was quite impressive on the terrible scale, I'm aware that a lot has already been said on the subject by others who are possibly funnier.

Also, Dear Diary, Today I feel nervous and slightly sad. And I hope it amounts to nothing but my own imagination.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

rare moment

I'm having a rare moment (rare lately anyway) where I feel the need to make a commitment to my need to change my patterns of writing and doing creatively. I've been a little bit focused on money-making writing work lately (aka, semi-soul-sucking, or at least not directly contributing to my soul-feeding, purpose-of-life work). And I am itching for the music life again (and the worded life that is my own words written for the sake of my own thoughts and feelings and not to report on something already in existence).

I blame Spotify for this "compelling" second of expression. And, for some reason, tonight, this itchy feeling was sparked by Natasha Bedingfield's album Strip Me. (I am a closet Bedingfield fan, and "All I Need" got me all worked up, as did "Little Too Much." The second song is sticking for no particular reason, since it's really just a dagger in my sad little heart because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be eternally lovelorn/single ... but maybe that's to give me writing material. If other people knew how much I loved "mainstream" pop people like Bedingfield and also Pink, I would probably be shot ... but what can I say? I love to write a good pop song more than I love tShow allo write just about any other thing.)

Oh, and my website is under construction ("for realsies" this time). I'm going to really get that sucker going. I even have webmail now. If you are reading, and you can guess what it is (julia@ the rest of what I just said), then feel free to quench my loneliness by writing me. There will be a blog again eventually there. It will be slightly more "professional" than this one, but is still part of my never-ending quest to be that rare very genuine person whose private and public lives match. We'll see ...

And, I leave you with this ditty, that is oddly feeling like the current soundtrack to my current decade-long (and counting) movie "New York Career Girl Seemingly Trying Endlessly and Fruitlessly to Find the Balance between Love and Life-Passion Ecstasy:"



p.s. Thank you to all the people and things that have continued to remind me what it feels like to fail. Without you, none of my words (and none of the write-worthy, song-worthy points of my life) would exist.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Banner Day

Yesterday was sort of a banner day. I actually finished a chapter of my essay book. And it was actually semi funny (though, as I've now hyper-critically edited it 300 times already, it feels less laugh-out-loud to me than the first few times I read it).

Unfortunately, I think I may have to scrap a couple essays I've written already. They don't fit in with the overall book and make me very annoyed with myself. And I don't think there's anything salvageable in any of them, so they're not worth rewriting.

If I can finish this effer by July, I will be one happy writer. My goal is about 18 different short-ish essays.

Of course, things tend to not work out as planned when I'm involved, so I'm trying to be as rigid as possible while still remaining flexible when goals are concerned.

This entry was officially less engaging and significantly more annoying than the worst of the chapters I'm garbage-canning.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Reading Breeds Writing ... Breeds Loneliness

I woke up four times last night with new sentences for a chapter in my book of personal essays swimming in my head and was actually compelled to write them down. Thanks, Kindle, for making me read again, because this is what happens: I start working when I sleep again, which is ideal when I have too much work to do while I'm awake to get everything done.

Last night, I finally finished Sloane Crosley's second book How Did You Get This Number. It was less raucously, unabashedly, un-sadly funny than the first, but I still laughed out loud repeatedly. However, the last chapter about a lengthy, deceitful and in the end, horribly lonely-making relationship (that started over whiskey and a shared brain, as all my big and small ones have since I moved to this horribly lovelorn city) made my heart hurt. And, yes, I cried.

The last time a book made me cry was maybe one of the Anne of Green Gables books (Anne of Avonlea, to be exact, I think), and it was out of happiness that Gilbert and Anne got together. This one made me cry because I related on such a deep level, and it confirmed the feeling I was having that I hadn't been able to put my finger on until the last few pages of the book: when you write for a living -- particularly when you're over-analytical, over-psychological when it comes to analyzing other humans and your experiences, which makes for the best writing anyway -- you may just be destined for a sad and lonely existence. Thankfully, that existence might be extremely funny. But it will be so unspeakably sad at times that you won't want to leave your house. And when you are particularly over-diligent and really, really serious about your craft, you might not even notice you're creating your own loneliness, or that it's necessary to feel it in order for you to spend the hours upon hours of inside time toiling to produce some brief moments of human beauty. There was a sadness and a heaviness about her book, and I know it well. It often makes me uncomfortable because I think if I met myself on the street in my deepest woe-is-me, crying-my-eyes-out (or even just so-numb-I-no-longer-have-any-eyes-to-cry-out) moments, I would be the most unlikable character I'd ever read. I would make myself uncomfortable.

And as much as, when life and love lets me down (and I don't think I can do it ever, ever again, because "this time" was as close as I can ever hope to get [cue my "Island of Almost Boyfriends" song, because they just keep getting closer and closer to being real and not "almost," to the point where sometimes I don't think they could possibly get any closer and that it must just be me and my own problems that are keeping me alone]), I want to give it all up and stay inside forever, I know the following truth she writes:

"One mathematically insignificant day, you stop hoping for happiness and become actually happy. Okay, on occasion, you do worry about yourself. You worry about what this experience has tapped into. What will be left of it when the surface area shrinks? How will you make sense of it after the compulsion to have others make sense of it for you has faded? There is one thing you know for sure, one fact that never fails to comfort you the worst day of your life wasn't in there, in that mess. And it will do you good to remember the best day of your life wasn't in there, either. But another person brought you closer to those borders than you had been, and maybe that's not such a bad thing."

Monday, June 20, 2011

reKindle

It is true: The joy of reading is enhanced by the Kindle (and perhaps by e-readers in general. I know, I know, most are not as good as the iPad, but, I don't need to go that far yet!). Dammit. I was hoping it was just all hype.

Also, I am starting to suspect that the joy of writing (when reading good and not trashy stuff) will be positively affected.

Stay tuned ...

Also, I will confess, I just finished reading two trashy mysteries -- something from the "Liv Bergen" series. Sandra Brannan is certainly not Shakespeare -- and she uses some crappy/novice writing conventions (mostly attached to melodramatic character self description and observation) as well as not-that-surprising twists -- but all in all, I ate her stuff up like cupcakes. It's nice to have a break from The Brainy sometimes.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Lost Ideas

You know you've been doing too much writing for online purposes (and not enough writing for "real life" purposes) when you start to have typos when you think of words in your head. My most recent typo was "writer's blog" instead of "writer's block."

I don't really believe in writer's block, frankly (with writing, as with all disciplines -- even the creative kinds -- the theory of "use it or lose it" holds true). I do believe that I've been blocked from writing down even the crap that I think up (and it's in the crap that we find ideas).

I'm hoping today trash breeds treasure, in all life areas.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Monday

This is possibly the worst/most boring title for a blog post ever. But I've been a little lacking in things to say lately. I did a little work on a few of my books this past weekend, but I feel like it was a pretty lackluster effort. And now, it's Monday, and here I am with a boring update very befitting of Monday. You're welcome?