a life philosophy

We make our lives out of hope and chaos ... and love.

I wish to believe that's true, but I just don't right now. I'm not good enough at anything.

the meditation experiment

(No, I didn't say "medication.")

In the interest of thinking about balance achieved only in my dreams and literally the past few days (and longer, if we're being honest), I decided to start a regiment of meditation this morning: 15 minutes a day, every day, no days off. I realize I need forced time to clear my mind. I'm choosing two words/ideas a week to think about, and I am not allowed to think about anything else. It didn't go so well this morning, as my need to check the clock and thoughts of "my knee hurt, my head hurts, my life hurts, my to-do list is too long" invaded. Still, I think I probably only had about a minute of lapse total in between all the 15 minutes, so it's not a bad start.

This week's words to put out there: "hope;" "love."

I'm not publicly this touchy/feely/new agey (though there's a lot of it deep inside my head), but I know I definitely need to slow down and listen. Clues are all around me.