I think my tendency to beat myself up about how I don't keep this up regularly (and my tendency to continuously come back claiming I am going to be "better" about it "this time) is not unlike a New Year's resolution, which I REALLY don't believe in. So, I'm going to stop setting standards for myself. I'm just going to continue to do what I'm doing in hopes I will continue to be motivated at the right times to make enough money to survive (which I have BARELY been doing, but I'm not homeless yet, so ... success!) and try to be happier. I definitely don't want to follow the lead of friends I've seeing ruining my Facebook feed with lying-to-themselves-statements of how rice pasta and gluten-free muffins are better than either of their real counterparts (and how people who eat fruit or drink juice should just kill themselves for being evil and wrong). So, I won't (once again). I also still won't be saying, "You go, girl," or, as I'm seeing it has changed spelling now, "U go gyrllll" ... And that doesn't mean I'm a negative, pessimistic person or that I want other people to fail. And, I know there is at least one person out there who claims that I am sending secret messages about how much I hate myself and want to die by having a dark sense of humor about life. Get over it.
That being said, today I do plan to work on some creative writing, as I'm at the "in between" point where I have to wait for the groundwork I've done to get new clients (at least for the next few days) to turn into something real, and I shouldn't be watching so much Netflix while I wait. The book of essays is calling my name, as are my three other novels. But, I think I'll approach this reasonably and not set any harsh goal for how many words I should complete before midnight (and it's hard to do that, because I always do it inside my head even when I claim "out loud" that I won't). I have enough pressure to deal with.
I read this anti-resolution article this morning by Charlie Brooker of The Guardian, and while most of the article was not about the ridiculousness of resolutions (rather observations about the ridiculousness of humankind and pop culture in general), it reinforced all my belief about the New Year and reminded me of why I'm annoyed that my running routes are always clogged from January-March (which is the month the last people clinging to their resolve finally give up each year).
The supposed "magic" of the calendar flipping over isn't going to make anyone suddenly become radically different. Change happens a little at a time, and people need to stop living life like it's an endless series of painful boot camps.
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