Today is just one of those days (as has been this week so far, really). I need to find some motivation, something good needs to happen and I have not a lot to say. Nausea and anxiety are ruling my life. I guess when this happens I'll just post bits and pieces of novels or other things I'm working on rather than create blog-specific content. I suppose that's how it's supposed to be ... suppose, supposed, supposing:
The Undeep Thought and Simone De Beauvoir ...
"Life is occupied in both perpetuating itself and in surpassing itself; if all it does is maintain itself, then living is only not dying." -- Simone de Beauvoir
I am having a hard time wrapping my head around life lately. For me it's been a series of quick changes that I'm left scrambling to accept. I feel like I'm flopping around like a fish sometimes (a trout, of course); just as I start to know what's going on, I get thrown back, but most of the time I miss the water and end up in the grass, on the ground, or on the cold boat floor, gasping for air.
Oh, but it's not as dramatic as all that, for sure.
The truth is, things are not so confusing for me as that. I'm really steady, and when I decide something, I decide it. There is some purpose to everything, and this I believe. As life goes on, I see themes more clearly, and I start to at least trust a little in the direction of it all because there are just signs and signals everywhere, lately going off like fireworks over the water. I'm not getting thrown back into the same pond every time; every time I get thrown it's in a bigger, deeper pond with more possibilities, and other dearest fish are with me, somewhere, even if they're at the other end of the pond for a while.
"I tore myself away from the safe comfort of certainties through my love for truth - and truth rewarded me."
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