dreaming of home

When things get hairy in my life, I start to dream that I'm trying to get back to the house in which I grew up, usually on a school bus. It's a pretty mundane dream, since the dream trip usually starts at my old junior high school, except this time I have all the modern conveniences of my current life (cell phone, headphones, etc.) as well as my actual experiences under my belt, except for the big ones like my mom dying (in the dream I always suspect her to be waiting at "home," though I somehow can't get a hold of her). I am usually running to catch the bus because my dad, who is teaching orchestra at the school, has to stay after to help some kids with auditions and can't take me home. I just make the bus, but I'm not sure is still taking the proper route that will carry me home, and I don't recognize anything along the way until I get to Dolphin Lake (a few blocks from the house where I grew up in real life). Because I am somehow lazy and want the bus to take me almost right to my door, I almost get off too late, but end up exiting at the place where my very first bus stop (in kindergarten) used to be in Homewood, IL, just a few blocks from the house. As I start to amble towards home, the houses look strange, and I almost pass by mine. There is always someone else living in it (typically the single mother my parents actually sold it to in 2001 and her young son that has kept the house up nicely), though my mom eventually does show up to take me to a new house in Flossmoor (not the one they actually bought), which is gargantuan and cold.

Sometimes, I also dream I'm going back to college for my "real" senior year, having discovered I didn't actually graduate. Usually this involves me wandering around the halls looking for a dorm room (which is always my actual senior year dorm room) and trying to get back into swimming, but realizing I can't swim anymore (which isn't true in real life).

I'm not sure why I'm obsessed with school and the past in dreams in a way that implies regret of some sort, because in waking life, I certainly am not big on regret (I don't even think I believe in it). I guess I'll take trying on that issue for size in the safe confines of sleep over letting it consume me in life any day ...